Your partner negatively compares you to their ex. It can though lol. My (ex) boyfriend is doing way better than me career wise. I'm not talking to the other girl because she's back with her fiancee. Here are some reality-based perspectives to help you decrease your fear: By doubting your worth in the relationship, you are inadvertently setting your partner’s ex and their relationship up to be superior to yours. to bed (set, go) 23. I see dreams all the time that my ex best friend is way more successful than me now and i am way below her.....what do these dreams means? Should I dump him? What to do if all ur dreams crash ? can we stop hating on the 'successful' people for a few moments? It rocks! you go out to eat with your current fling and you see a whack of girls and think there cute and begin to wonder if they would like you... meanwhile your trying to keep up with a conversation about your flings hair ( maybe your interested in hair idk use something you are not overly excited about). Observe What Part of Yourself You Don't Like. Why unprovable? When you begin to treat yourself better you will begin to feel better. This new girl I'm "dating" well, that's a mess. And according to my friend, they're really happy together. Top, My Tomato: A chap will forget you earn more money, he'll forget you're more successful, but he'll never forget if you make him feel weaker. At any rate, it made you start to question yourself. Tl:dr My boyfriend treated his ex like a queen and treats me like an afterthought. I was in a bar having a great time, and she was awful to me from the beginning. But whatever. I didn’t think too much about the difference in our income until now. For example: A guy might say to himself, “I have to re-spark my ex’s feelings of attraction to get her back, but I won’t be able to achieve that if I look like my old self, so I’ll have to get myself a makeover. But I haven't really met anyone decent I'm really interested in dating. It is the old cliche of women snagging a wealthy doctor, lawyer, businessman etc. Yeah there were times when I'd moved on I still felt sad. You may not realize how much responsibility you are placing on your partner to help you feel more secure about yourself. Treat the most recent woman the same way you are treating your ex, nc. I was at a point in life where nobody really liked me, so I was saddened. Ko. It is the way of the self-valued. His mistake is the more obvious one: It is deeply fucked that your boyfriend said his ex is more attractive than you. I don't see this going anywhere...I know I'm only setting myself up for a major letdown. The more you build up their ex, the more you fear being rejected. After breaking up with me he became more focused in school work, got over his Facebook addiction, and even became student of the month for …   Pasted as rich text. You are inferior to your partner’s ex. All i know is that she is working at a coffee shop. First and foremost, your insecurity may be understandable, especially if you've endured challenging relationships with caregivers and other important people in your life, including romantic partners who have let you down. You fell in love. Tells me how "zen" she is and calm. I do have a question though, the girl your seeing... B----( dates and flowers trying to win her over ), C----( allot of time together talking and you feel like shes your gf and things may escalate to more). If you were in a relationship long-term (longer than six months), and your ex has left you for someone else, keep reading, because this is the article for you. As you struggle to contain your feelings about your partner's past, keep in mind that people often go into relationships not realizing that they are looking to their new partner to make up for past heartbreak, rejection, shame, and unmet longings that predated their time with you. Yet I have never called her or written her. I'm attending to all her emotional needs she can't get from her guy...I'm the guy she can fall back on and I'm the guy stroking her ego. I tell myself it's because we're long distance, but I honestly feel worse when he comes to visit me or I go to visit him. Ring shopping has happened; he’s met my dad (no man in my life ever gets to meet Dad). Since past disappointments can shape your outlook and capacity to trust, it makes sense that you are driven to seek reassurance, validation, recognition, and acknowledgment from your partner. My boyfriend John (fake name alert) was really close with his ex, whom he had broken up with seven years prior. He needs to be your biggest cheerleader. At least, most of them did. My social media life is a serious mess. I made that clear to them from the minute it was over. I mentioned this to him and he's tried to convince me that he loves me and has never felt like he wanted a future with anyone until he met me, but I feel like his actions don't reflect that. Your turn will come. You hooked up. Oh and you have to stop indulging in self pity, you can be happy too. So that's my life. A month later she is getting married and all her friends are super supportive of it. To combat that instinct, keep working on self-awareness. Empirically speaking, most people would say she was better looking than me. They don't know the true story behind the scenes..the fact that you are miserable, settling for someone who doesn't treat you right etc. I'll try and keep this brief. “My girlfriend makes a lot more than me. As you continue to build the case against the viability of your current relationship, you are also promoting the "amazingness" of your partner's past relationship. My boyfriend has a minature fox terrier that gets way more attention than me. She didn’t cause a scene, but she was passive-aggressive and childishly defensive. I guess I should be thankful I "had" my ex, even though she was never happy with me. From an unbiased outside view, I think it would be wise to have a conversation with your husband about how his defending of her hurts you. You cannot look to your partner to make you feel better about the choices they made before being with you: That’s self-sabotage. Two Words Stop Toxic Habits and Addiction in Their Tracks, How Baby Boomers Maintain Their Sex Lives, What Goes on Beneath the Surface When Narcissists Get Angry, Four Ways to Improve Your Time Management, Psychology Today © 2021 Sussex Publishers, LLC. An ex would not tell a mutual friend "I miss him so much and cry myself to sleep at night". Page 1 of 1. Through gestures, she looked more passionate than me even though I was probably the one feeling the relationship more. Find your group chat here >> start new discussion reply. I feel like this is better than having no one...although this is probably only a half of a step up from having no one. Remember your strengths. A new theory aims to make sense of it all. I was dumped and betrayed by my boyfriend a few months ago and I was working my a*** off to try and get him back. I even found out she was dating this guy two months ago and it didn't bother me. There is power in denial. When these fears are indulged, they can result in paranoia and preoccupation with the ex. You are right, dont concentrate on her or her life and compare. It doesn't matter that he said you're "prettier on the inside." My boyfriend has a minature fox terrier that gets way more attention than me. After the third time I heard he is still seeing her, he denied it and said people were trying to break us up. They spoke to him. take your mind off of it for a couple months and then start anew. I remind myself that I have my own strengths, my own beauty. Ok, so i know this is rediculous of me and theres so much more to someone than how they look. If they even spoke to my ex, that was a betrayal worse than any other. I know how you feel. Go to first unread Skip to page: Anonymous #1 #1 Report Thread starter 3 years ago #1 I should say first that my partner is 5 years older than me, so perhaps I am expecting too much, but here goes. There is an expression "all that glitters is not gold". The reality is that a broken heart can happen whether you put trust in your relationship or not. I'm successful, too...to a lesser extent. When you inflate the ex’s importance to your partner, you are setting your relationship up to fail, because the only way to envision your partner’s relationship with their ex is by making their ex come alive through your fear-ridden, distorted lens. That may or may not be the case..the only person who REALLY knows is the woman herself. It can even feel comforting to compel your partner to join you in dismissing or downplaying their past relationship. Our relationship is the longest he has been in, and we have a five-month-old daughter. Yeah that's true, but I doubt the appearance he got is 100% true. I kept comparing myself with him all the time. You resent your partner, but you resent their ex even more for having had a relationship with him or her. We text each other and chat online, but that's about it. We are not friends anymore but enemies . That sounds incredibly hard, and incredibly frustrating. How come life is so unfair!!!!! 7 answers. I don't think we were hating on anyone, it's just that things are not always as they appear so trying to figure it out is a fruitless endeavor which leaves fivespot in the same position he was in before he got the news, healing. I haven't seen her in over a year and I haven't talked to her...I guess it was about a year ago. I think my boyfriends ex is gorgeous she's toothpick skinny perfect smile everything.. he tells me I'm the hottest girlfriend he's had but when I read comments he posted on her pictures before me and him started dating it makes me feel so insecure. The first one was on a similar degree to me when we were together, and after we broke up she ended up dropping out and then trying to become a croupier. I work with elderly people...I know many that have never been married. There's no way to get around this: 99.99% of the time, … She works in consulting, and I work odd jobs while I try to find acting work. Top, My Tomato: A chap will forget you earn more money, he'll forget you're more successful, but he'll never forget if you make him feel weaker. Well, fear no more, because this quiz will let you know if he really loves you or just something happens to fade away in time The more you build up their ex, the more you fear being rejected. My ex left me after I moved up to be closer to her. I got ‘under’ someone way too soon. Outward appearances don't mean much. Everything gets easier with practice, even resisting the urge to make comparisons. I’ve been so busy I don’t even remember the last time I thought about him for more than a second or two.” “Thank you, God, from the bottom of my heart that the woman he dropped in on is healthy, happy, and busy, making a lot of progress in her life he couldn’t help but notice, instead of that hollow, heartbroken, immobile shell of a woman who was living here a year and a half ago.” If I was talking to my ex as an old friend (which I NEVER will) and she asked how I was doing, I'd have to lie and say, you know what...I'm great! Do not look at others and assume that life is just peachy for them...you never really know behind the scenes if it is really all that peachy...and even if it is peachy at that point in time, you never now when things will have a downturn. 4. 5. We met at a bar my sophomore year of college. Well I say it's true money don't buy love, but where I am sitting, it would make me happy to have a few extra Ben Franklins in my bank account for the simple fact I need to pay for college, get a new apartment to live in, and pay down some debts...money can be useful. Knowledge is power, and self-knowledge is the ultimate power. You guys are right...maybe she's happy, maybe she isn't, but the point is it's none of my business and I have no reason to care. There is a secret plan to undermine your relationship. i don't see why dating someone who is using you is a step above being single. The beginning of our relationship was really amazing and intense. 5. What you are experiencing is normal for someone who is still healing. Shockingly, they didn’t play ball with my controlling ways. I'm dating a rich lawyer. January 21, 2021. maybe she's insanely happy. But meanwhile, I spent an entire year not dating anyone because I wasn't ready. Background: I (23) have been dating a guy (30) for about a year and a half. The guy is usually a stuck up * * * * * who sleeps around. I put whiny statuses about my ex all over the damn place. I remind myself that my boyfriend loves me for me. I need to change update my wardrobe, go to the gym and build some muscles. My long-distance significant other and I have been dating for a little over two years. looks to me that he is more driven by passion than fear of failure in life, he walks off the beaten tracks he has not the fear of rejection from society, he is simply proud with the person he is and no one should, would or could take this away from him. Reply. Find other places to vent about the ex. He is also humble and outgoing and pretty much has a better heart than anyone I know. My long-distance significant other and I have been dating for a little over two years. Cell Phones Harm Classroom Performance... a Bit, The Continuing Stigma Around Medical Marijuana Use, Wolves Demonstrate Self-Awareness in Sniff Test, The Do’s and Don’ts of Texting in a New Relationship, Levels of Male-to-Female Sexual Harassment in the Workplace, 10 Tips for Getting Along Better with Your Ex. I am still nursing through a six month break-up and trying to fix my life back. The results of these kinds of comparisons are unfairly burdensome and unrealistic: They are exes, after all. So now I'm officially in the "friendzone." Despite past traumas, there is no way to build a secure foundation in your partnership other than to take a leap of faith that your partner is who they appear to be. You see my ex turned out to be a doctor, even though she is younger compared to me. And she calls and hangs up on me. Actually women who marry into rich families tend to be really unhappy. we don't know this ex gf nor her new boyfriend.   Your previous content has been restored. You dated for a while, but things started falling apart. looks to me that he is more driven by passion than fear of failure in life, he walks off the beaten tracks he has not the fear of rejection from society, he is simply proud with the person he is and no one should, would or could take this away from him. Cognitive_Canine. As you become flooded with insecurity, there is a destabilizing effect on you. You may even fear being abandoned by a partner, who, in your mind, couldn't possibly be completely over their ex. I'm guessing engagement isn't too far off. ... Much more than I ever expected it to. Dreams have been described as dress rehearsals for real life, opportunities to gratify wishes, and a form of nocturnal therapy. changes partners more often than socks; spends more time dating than on oneself; posts sad or frustrating relationship quotes ; talks badly about the people that he or she dated; 5)Drugs and addictions. Ko. Display as a link instead, × You are well within your rights to be a successful woman, … My ex and I were together for 6 years. Everything gets easier with practice, even resisting the urge to make comparisons. Upload or insert images from URL. The sun before ! Your right nothing wrong with sucessful people. If your ex is doing drugs and became addicted to various unhealthy things, this is a huge sign of unhappiness. I'm being strung along by some girl and I'm letting it happen because I'm desperate. The reason i say that is, if your doing things your interested in you wont pay as much attention to what girls are in the room you will be more interested in who in this room can i talk to about my intrests .... ex. "If you and your [partner] run into their ex and the exchange is normal, without any verbal or physical awkwardness, then they are probably more into you than their ex," Henry says. I have not spoken to her for many years. The more you invent ways to compete, the more opportunities you invent to see yourself as inferior.3. I am super proud of him and he deserves it! When you invest yourself in the belief that your partner’s ex is better than you or that the ex has an agenda to reunite with your partner, there’s no stopping the depths into which you can sink yourself, your partner, and your relationship. I dont know what she has done with her life if she is succeesful or not. yet he was more fun. My bf is a great guy who happens to be successful. My live-in boyfriend and I have been together for two years. What is the attraction married men have on single women? What do you do if your boyfriend’s ex is actually “better” than you – better looking, more successful, highly intelligent, wealthier, etc.? I took classes at the gym, tried meeting people at bars an online. Trusting in any relationship is incredibly challenging if you’ve experienced betrayal, abandonment, and other disappointments. Live your life and don't pay her any mind. There's nothing to say in response. My (ex) boyfriend is doing way better than me career wise. Schizophrenia or Schizotypal Personality? Holding on to suspiciousness and distrust won’t protect you from feeling devastated if your relationship ends. I am hardworking too, but I am struggling to find my own form of success. isn't it more important that the OP spend time working on making himself happy instead of convincing himself that his ex-gf will be miserable with her new hot-shot lawyer bf?   Your link has been automatically embedded. My life didn't feel so bad after all. I posted snide, spiteful comments to indirectly take my ex down a peg or two. Mutual friends kept talking about what a great time he was having at all these parties, girls running after him, & that he still had his head on straight and everyone liked him alot. And he defends her every time. Rich does not equal happy. I know he loves me, but im curious to whose more attractive on strictly physical appearence. At first, I thought I was uncomfortable with how pretty and fun she seemed, but I realized it was just that I felt that he loved her significantly more than he loved me. I've become more active on social media, enough that it's inspiring me and not being the dark hole people make it out to be (other than looking up his ex). Actress Bisola Aiyeola reveals beautiful images to mark her 35th anniversary today. it's natural to feel jealous when your ex seems to be doing better than you are - to be entering a new, promising relationship, to be having children, to have a great job, go on great vacations, etc.... in any case, you aren't with her anymore, and you don't know what's going on on the inside. And that's the furthest thing from the truth. There's no sex, no kissing...in fact, there's not much of anything. She used to send him cards with kisses on them. This is very helpful advice. Announcements Applying to uni? I remind myself that my boyfriend loves me for me. You're not alone. My friend, a scriptwriter, had been with her boyfriend for six years when they broke up. I'll take any advice anyone is willing to give me, but I guess the real reason I'm posting is because I just wanted to let off some steam. Rebecca Whitten says: February 14, 2020 at 3:32 pm. ...that might not help at all but i kinda just started writing my bases is i beileve people meet by chance and you tend to accidently trip someone and send them flying ( your potential love lol ) when your concentrating on something you like to do. She works in consulting, and I work odd jobs while I try to find acting work. By Wow my ex is doing so much better than I am. I actually took her places, introduced her to my family(my mother was in love with her). But let’s say, for example, my partner’s ex was some beautiful model. As far as feeling bad about her love life, don't. Still, you couldn't help but notice that your boyfriend's ex is...prettier (or more handsome), smarter, more successful—or at least it seemed that way in your mind. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. My ex over exaggerates to his friends about how much he earns. Everyone loves a romance, especially when they see the romance with a well-to-do person. My boyfriend is more successful than me Watch. If I just look at the amount of love and not any other relationship factors, I would honestly say I “loved” my first boyfriend more than I love my husband. I deserve to stand alongside every one of those women whom I compare myself to. 5)Guilt . Paste as plain text instead, × Then she says to him he is just taking my money...I plan on buying into his house once we are married...I did buy us a car..but once the house payment comes in he will pay me back. it doesn't matter. I met my boyfriend in November and we started dating at the beginning of January. Ring shopping has happened; he’s met my dad (no man in my life ever gets to meet Dad). Much more than I ever expected it to. One of the questions was: “Have you ever loved anyone more than me?” For him, opportunities seemed to fall into place (he admitted this). Are Meaningful Daily Activities Linked to Well-Being? No matter the circumstances — whether your partner has an extensive history with their ex, has children with them, or the ex initiated their breakup — comparing yourself to the ex is likely to lead to you to believe that they are superior, that you are less important to your partner, and that their relationship was better. What do you do if your boyfriend’s ex is actually “better” than you – better looking, more successful, highly intelligent, wealthier, etc.? And you want to know what’s worse? Another reason your ex won’t talk to you is that your ex feels engulfed by guilt. it feels like you are lying to yourself. You are the one who decides whether you have a future or not. I had a dream my boyfriend got shot ? × Due to holidays we were distant for a period of time, less than a month. I know existentially none of us is more important to humanity than the next person. Looks can be deceiving. this is all about YOU. But let’s say, for example, my partner’s ex was some beautiful model. For QAnon Believers Facing Reality, What Happens Now? We fell in love like we never did before and he said he knew he wanted to marry me and so did I. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. To give you an example, you have a girlfriend...from the outside looking in people might think you are very happy and leading a charmed life. It’s serious. Answer Questions. But to me, at this point, it's better than being alone...which will happen eventually. These concerns can result in anxiety, preoccupation, and obsession. It was after I found out the details and found out she was happy did it really kind of bug me. I guess I'm able to sleep at night only because I'm delaying it. Believe that you and your ex are at different points in life and that you can both be successful-accept wherever you are and who you are is enough for right now. very good advice! Money just doesnt make people happy. Now, I said longer than six months because it takes at least four months to get to know a person romantically to a high degree, and another two months to form an emotional connection with him or her. Steeped in suspicion, you risk infecting your relationship. I'll take any advice anyone is willing to give me, but I guess the real reason I'm posting is because I just wanted to let off some steam. Its not your place to worry or compare anymore. COVID-19 Update: Nigeria Reported 114,691 New Cases Plus … My Ex Boyfriend Is Still Sexually Attracted To Me: Why Is My Ex Boyfriend Flirting With Me Again. Insecurity needs more consideration than COVID19- Ex governor,Attahiru Bafarawa to Buhari . And he happened to be the cold-blooded jerk that broke your heart and left you for another woman. We all have them. It doesn't matter that he said you're "prettier on the inside." It's easy to feel jealous but at the end of the day, he's more sucessful than you and it's not a bad thing. Hillary Clinton leads a charmed life...yet her husband has had numerous affairs...so wealth, power, a charismatic husband etc doesn't change the fact that behind the scenes she had major major heartbreak and humiliation. I know I'm not in any competition with my ex. Also she lives just around the corner from us. You may want to hear highlights about their ex's flaws. or maybe she isn't. to me, it doesn't matter if she is happy or unhappy with this guy. Money and rich laywers dont necessarily mean happiness. Yes, I'm wasting my time on her, but as I said, I haven't met anyone else. I have no idea what he'll think of my ex or my past taste in men, if he ever saw a picture of my Ex. You’re more valuable than your ex is making you feel. Up until tonight, she was the furthest thing from my mind. I've made it a point to not know her anymore and it has worked like a charm. We are both females. His family lives out of the country but he brought me there with him to meet them and meet his friends. You are aware, on some level, that it's not rational to blame people for living their lives before you came on the scene, but you just can't help yourself. My bf [22] dumped me [20] and he’s way more successful than me, how do i feel better about my life? To many people, a woman being involved with wealthy professional must automatically mean that woman must be on cloud nine really happy. Everything was great. I'm being strung along by some girl and I'm letting it happen because I'm desperate. The competition you create in your head between you and the ex usually does not result in you feeling reassured. It's only a matter of time, you believe, until your partner dumps you upon realizing they're really supposed to be with their ex. Gospel Singer Ada Ehi Releases A New Album “Congratulations” Featuring Buchi . yea, do never really know whats accually going on ... nor do mutual friends.For all you know she just doesnt want to be alone and shes stringing him along and shes really just acting happy because she doesnt want to be alone. As far as the ex and her new bf are concerned ...give it no thought...worry about you! Hey, any famous is more famous than I am. He is graduating our university with a 4.0 and got into Harvard law school. You fear your partner's ex is plotting to get back together (and will succeed). to bed (set, go) 23. So focus on your own life...and one place I would start is by ending this farce of a relationship you are currently in because you deserve better. Rather, the onus is primarily on you to manage your insecurity about a relationship that predates you, especially when the fixation is yours, not your partner's. Because she had no problem telling me she's seeing someone, rather than give us both a chance and see what happens. Years when they see the romance with a 4.0 and got into Harvard law school me like an afterthought to. To humanity than the next person just remember, there 's no to. Life turned out because he never had anyone and are perfectly happy centered. Her, he denied it and said people were trying to fix my life ever gets to meet and. Back to their ex people who have successful careers and are perfectly happy, centered people it happen I... Future or not more important to humanity than the next person supportive it. 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